Boredom, Loneliness, Love

Considering Boredom and Loneliness

This recurring theme of boredom and loneliness, and questions surrounding it, have been directed at me many times in the past few months so I’m feeling urged to offer up a general spiritual morsel on the topic for all other would-be askers, and especially before winter doldrums ensue.   My thought is this…if you feel bored, if you feel lonely – fantastic. Immerse yourself in it if you wish.

Were you one of my students, I’d tell you to really pay attention to it so you know what it truly feels like, and “slap a label on it” just in case it’s one of the human aspects you’ve come into this lifetime to gain a better understanding of. Whatever you do or don’t, I’m happy for you; and I’ll tell you why at the end. But if you feel bored or lonely and you don’t like it or you complain about it, then this next part is especially for you.   A few of the most valuable words of wisdom I have heard in life came by way of one of my high school teachers who stated on more than one occasion:“If you are bored, you are boring to be with.”   Ten simple words, so true.  

How does being lonely play into boredom?

Loneliness is nothing more than a bi-product, a symptom, of boredom. Now someone might argue that it has only to do with being alone, or not having a “romantic relationship” going on in their life. I’m not buying it. I’ve seen many a person be lonely while they’re smack dab IN a relationship. So what that comes down to is…if you were too busy filling your own soul up you’d be too preoccupied to dwell on being alone.

If you are not in a relationship and that is a concern for you (because some people who are not don’t waste all their waking minutes worrying about it), then perhaps you should presume that other person is out there and will be coming along in their own good time. Do you want them to show up before they – or you for that matter – are ready for the relationship? Not a chance. It would be over before you could get it going. Who wants to waste a perfectly good kindred spirit on bad (ie. humanly-self-controlled) timing? We know who we are – we’ve all done it before.

Wise Words to Live By

Marianne Williamson, spiritual relationship guru, gives us these words of wisdom: “When love isn’t in our lives, it’s on the way. If you know that a special guest is coming at five o’clock, do you spend the day messing up the house? Of course not. You prepare. And that is what we should do for love.”   What person wants to show up only to discover that their kindred mate settled at “boring to be with?” As far as I know, “boring” wasn’t on anyone’s “top ten characteristics of my perfect match” list. Interesting, educated, worldly, smart, active, talented,…all came out ahead

If you feel a bout of boredom setting in…if you’re letting yourself disconnect from the universe by sinking into loneliness, by all means fix it – for yourself. It’s no one else’s option or responsibility. It’s so simple: do something. Do ANYTHING.

Make yourself a more interesting person to be around. Exchange boredom, loneliness. Love instead.

Fill your soul  

• Pick up a book.
• Take a class.
• Learn something.
• Make something.
• Build something.
• Create something.
• Give. Share. Love.
• Re-arrange your living room.
• Paint your bedroom.
• Go shopping and restock your unmentionables drawer.
• Pick some wildflowers to brighten up your space.
• Google up a new recipe and cook something fabulous.
• Bake something indulgent – and share it with an elderly neighbor
• Use the quiet downtime to meditate and get some useful insights.
• Have a chat with your spirit guide

Go Out

People watch.
See a movie.
Browse an art fair.
Sit on a beach.
Organize a game or snowball fight with all the neighborhood kids.
Take a walk. In a “random” nearby town you just point to on a map and drive to for the day.

Go out and photograph as many peculiar things you can find that draw your attention.
Listen to some local musicians. That’s what they’re there for. Go support them.

Get some fresh air and hop on a bike, see where the day takes you.
Exercise in whatever way makes you happy.

Stick your head in a shop, a museum, or a historical site, a nursing home, or a cafe you’ve passed a million times on your way to something else but never bothered to stop in.

Or take action and plan to do something really progressive (if you feel like your boredom/loneliness might be a chronic condition), like study a new language or take up an entirely new hobby you’ve been putting off. Organize a block party. Start a book club, or a coffee and crafting club (that eliminates a whole roomful of Boreds and Lonlies right there week after week). Maybe even start a paranormal research or psychic/spiritual development group. (I’m really not partial).

Value Alone

Better yet, learn to love and value “alone.” Do you realize when you go places on your own, completely by yourself how truly easy this is? If you get the hang of it after trying it a few times you might actually start to feel selfish about enjoying it. Think about it. You never have to debate with tagalongs about how long to stand in one place observing something, where to sit, how much time you want to spend, what restaurant to try, which film to see, which route to take. Plus, chances are 50% that you will meet “random strangers” along the way, and 75% chance you’ll find something about them curiously interesting and 99.99% you’ll see divine timing exemplified in the chance encounters.

Back for just a moment to those of you still stuck the idea of loneliness equating to not having a relationship just one more suggestion: invest in a journal. Then write it down; whatever it is you think you’d be showing, sharing, telling, or doing with that person you’re waiting for to show up, put it in words. Tell them what they’re missing, express your feelings about it, record the moments or the events. Write her a song. Scribe him an ode (entitled “What the *ell is Taking You So Long”, of course). At worst, when they do appear in your life you have a personal record to reflect back on of how your journey led you to that special person.

Boredom, loneliness, love.
The bottom line and moral of the story?

Boredom, loneliness…they are choices. They are as much a part of free will as anything else. So if you ask me why you’re bored or lonely, I might tell you the same thing – it’s simply because you chose it. The good news is you also get to choose what to do with it and how to change it; for something that will hurt you worse in the long run, or for something that will better you forever. Like, choosing love. Kudos to you, sincerely. Because as long as you choose something, anything, whatever it may be in this life, God will love you for it. That is why I’ll be happy for you either way too.

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